When You’re Always the Strong One: Finding Space for Your Own Support

You may recognise the experience of being the person others turn to? Always the Strong One? Find Support Through Counselling...

Perhaps you are often the one who listens, offers support, takes responsibility, or helps when something is difficult. This can happen within families, friendships, relationships or at work.

For some people, being there for others comes naturally. For others, it may be a role that has developed over time.

Whatever the circumstances, being someone who regularly supports others can sometimes leave little space to notice what is happening for you.

Finding space for your own feelings

When attention is often focused on other people, your own thoughts and feelings may receive less attention.

You might notice that you tend to say you are fine, carry on with what needs to be done, or wait for a quieter moment before thinking about yourself.

There may also be times when you would like support but find it difficult to ask for it.

There can be many reasons for this, and each person's experience will be different. There is no need for there to be a particular explanation.

It may simply be useful to notice what happens for you when someone asks:

How are you?

What happens when someone listens to you?

Having an opportunity to talk can feel different when there is no expectation to support the other person in return.

For some people, this might happen with a friend, family member or someone else they trust. For others, counselling may provide a space to talk about whatever feels important to them.

Counselling does not require you to arrive knowing what you want to say.

You may have something specific you would like to explore, or you may simply have a sense that things have been difficult, tiring or different recently but can not quite put your finger on it?

The conversation can begin wherever you are.

Counselling and being heard

Counselling can provide a confidential space in which your experiences, thoughts and feelings can be explored at your own pace.

Rather than being told what to think, feel or do, there can be time to notice what is happening for you and to explore what it means to you.

For someone who is accustomed to listening to others, having a space where the attention is on their own experience may feel unfamiliar.

There is no particular way you are expected to feel about that.

You might find it helpful. You might find it uncomfortable. You might not know what you think about it at all.

All of those experiences can be talked about.

A space for you

Being someone others turn to does not tell the whole story of who you are.

There may be times when you have plenty of capacity to support others and times when you have less. There may be things you are comfortable sharing and things you prefer to keep private.

Counselling can offer a space to explore these experiences without needing to reach a particular conclusion.

You do not need to have the right words, a clear explanation, or a particular reason for wanting to talk.

Sometimes a conversation can simply begin with what is happening for you now.